SEPTHEHEROINE

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2010-06-20T10:14:00.001+08:00

I really don't understand you guys at all. Seriously speaking. If you are in a relationship, please don't ever say that you wanna get to know me more and blah3. Like wth. Your girlfriend is there waiting for you to text her and go on a date with her. Why must you lie to me that you are fucking single. Seriously, you can go and die. I hate LIARS. ASSHOLE much. And you can have the cheek of yours to tell me that you are single and your relationship status : In a relationship was just a fake? You can really really really really GO AND DIE with that curly hair of yours.

I think all guys are just the same. I've been through a stupid relationship before and I know how hurtful it was when your boyfriend just happens to fancy another girl. Oh, till now I still don't understand why didn't you just go with that girl. Why did you remain single and even bother to tell me that you still love me when you have hurt me so badly in the past? I don't get it. Do you feel guilty for what you have done before? You better be.

And then, all those stupid things you said to me before. Why must I always be scolded for things that I didn't do? Why must you take advantage of my kindness and patience? Why? And yes, I admit that I'm not the type of girl who will scream her lungs out when you break her heart or when you throw your fucking tantrums at. I will remain silent and just let it be because I hate telling you off about your fucking attitude. Seriously, I have had enough with you. And because of you, I seem to hate all guys now. All guys are just the same. They think they could throw their shits at me just because I don't show my bloody attitude.

I think I'm done with all these rubbish and I guess, I will just let things happen in the future as it is. I won't ever want to be in a relationship and see any fucking asshole guys in the future. Like seriously.

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2010-06-17T12:30:00.001+08:00

If a girl you are contacting with has not been going on dates for a very very long time, has somewhat given up on love, hates talking on the phone and last but not least, can't even be bothered with whoever that wants to get to know her but she has been going out with you and replying your text messages, maybe somehow, out of the millions, she see something in you. And if you think that you no longer likes her, just stop wasting her time thinking of those sweet memories you two had together. Maybe you should never confess to her in the first place because you don't really know her. Or, maybe she just can't be bothered by your arrogance to let you see her bright side. Maybe she just likes you too much to let you suffer like how she did before. Maybe she loves you too much to let you inside her small tiny heart. Maybe you really mean a lot to her but you just don't know it. Maybe you think she's a bore & your feelings change overtime. But deep down inside, she loves you more than anything else & she hopes someone as good as you will steal your heart very soon. She's letting you go so that you won't feel hurt when you see her crying for the past.

I saw this somewhere & I guess if the guy really loves the girl, he should take her as she is and not try to change the way she is.

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2010-06-16T18:29:00.001+08:00

Went shopping with Mama just now and I'm so fucking happy. I can never shop with my friends especially guys because I'm not comfortable at all. So, whatever. I find myself damn boring when I'm with a guy at a shopping mall. Seriously speaking. I mean I can't just go into a shop & spend hours walking back and forth finding something that could catch my eye at first sight. I just don't know how to. And, I hate dining with guys. I can't bring myself to eat what I want or to think for a million years for something nice to eat. There is a lot of complication when I'm with a guy. And, I don't know if I should dress up or not when going out with them. I mean, if I were to dress up with my heels on, jacket on, shades on and big ribbon on and if the guy just happens not to dress up like me, wouldn't it be awkward? So, most of the times, I would just pick anything from the wardrobe without thinking and any shoes even if you find it like wtf kind-of shoes because I can't be bothered at all.

But I guess I'm way different when I go out with the girls. You know why? Because I feel really comfortable. They wouldn't mind if I were to dress up, put on heavy make-up or just pick any clothes that you may find erm, weird in your vocabulary. They wouldn't mind at all. And I wouldn't mind having my meals at Swensen, Manhattan Fish Market, Seoul Garden, Fig & Olive, PizzaHut or wherever because I feel really comfortable with them. I wouldn't mind shopping and spend my money on anything that caught my eye at first sight.

Okay whatever. I think all guys are the same in one way or another. They just don't fucking understand me at all. I think there will never be any chemistry between me and them. Seriously speaking, we have different perceptions. Even so, I wouldn't mind if you don't do things the way I expect you to. But I guess you guys mind it. So be it. And stop asking why the fucking hell am I still single. The reason is simple. I scare guys away and I don't think there is any chemistry between us. So, if you think you still like me for who I am, that's good and if you don't, don't waste your time going out with me because if things don't work out according to your plan, don't ever blame me. I think guys are really fucking cb most of the time. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the past. I don't know or maybe it's just me. I'm just too scared for the future.

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2010-06-15T23:38:00.001+08:00

I think my sudden decision was right. Why are you people all the same? Seriously. Perangai macam sialan habis. I don't want to answer you back anything or else it's gonna sound bitchy and yeah, I don't wanna fucking hurt your heart. It's okay if you hurt mine because someday, someone else will be a greater bitch to you and fucking hurt your fucking heart with harsh words. Okay fuck, I'm cursing right now like nobody's business. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Whatever, karma will get you back .

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Untitled

2010-06-15T21:53:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I have just done a moment ago. Seriously. :(

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Orcharddddzzzzxxxxxx on mondayyy

2010-06-14T23:10:00.001+08:00

Finally met Diy & Reyme today after a gazillion years. Zzz. So, met Reyme first since DIy has school to attend. :( Met Diy for awhile only. Nevermind, we shall meet again in July since you guys wanna celebrate my birthday together. Hehe ^^ And we shall take lots of pictures okay when the three of us dress up (:

So, I finally bought my 70 bux jacket. OMG. Like finally. Haha. Okayy so happy. And bought my Sephora foundation and also 2 boxes of white chocolate cookies. (:

Okay, here's the pictures. View them if you want to. (:

See the full gallery on posterous

Okay nights, gonna sleep now and wake up early for morning jog. Errm, well maybe will go for a jog. Hehe

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CIP

2010-06-13T14:15:00.001+08:00

Had my 7 hours of CIP yesterday. I thought I would never learn anything from CIP seriously. Since it's a flea market thingy, what more could I learnt right? Little did I know that it's actually an eye opener experience for me. Since I'm in charge of the clothing booth, I am suppose to sell the clothes at $1 each. As you guys know, flea market is never glamorous. I mean it's secondhand clothes and if you are lucky, you will get those branded clothes at just $1 but a secondhand one though. It's such a pity to see old aunties browsing through the rack for a good bargain. I mean, they are poor and they need new clothes and some can't even afford those cheap new clothes on sale that are new and hence, have to resort into buying clothes from a flea market. I felt pity for them though. And, while I was folding the clothes, the organizer person said that she has just donated a blouse to an old auntie. Much more pitiful right? I mean even though it's selling at $1, she can't even afford it. Yeah. :(

And they need approximately $45 000 each month for the elderly in the 3 blocks. Omg, $45 000 a month. Omg. And, they help those elderly who are homeless, have no source of help from anyone be it their relatives, children or friends. It's quite pitiful. And, those lower income groups will receive free rations on every 2nd week of Sunday of each month as well.

So, I really learnt something meaningful from the event. I learnt that not everyone is as fortunate as others and although they are not fortunate in terms of wealth, there is always a bright smile across their face. I guess, even though life is pulling you down, you need to get right back up and smile to the world to enjoy life to the fullest :)

Met Reyme after my CIP at Marine Parade. Omg, I traveled all the way there to meet him and catch up on thing. Ahaha, see, I'm such a good friend. No wonder the meaning of my name is 'a loyal friend' Yeah. :) Erm reached home at 11 plus . I walked them fast since I was a erm scared. Someone just have to mention about something will follow me back right at that outrageous hour. Oh well.

So,today is stay home Sunday. My week has been booked.

Monday- meeting Reyme & Diy.

Tuesday- meeting FP.

Wednesday-stay at home Wednesday.

Thursday-meeting Ramdhanny.

Friday-meeting the girls.

Saturday- I'm not sure.

Sunday-I'm not sure.

And that's all I guess. I'm not sure if I should drag myself out of bed at 7 am each day just for my morning jogs. I'll considered about it though.

XOXO

See the full gallery on posterous

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2010-06-11T20:24:00.001+08:00

Omggggggg. My msn list is full of mats e-mail address. Seriously. Super irritating like hell. And then they will ask me to intro myself and blah3. Hello, I intro myself only once. If you forgot me, I'll just delete you off and report abuse. Seriously, super irritating like hell. And, if you are a guy and if you happen to be overweight, please, don't ever think that I will be your girlfriend one fine day because it will never happen. FAT hope okay. And then want to exchange numbers what shit. Seriously, I don't even know you and you can get my e-mail address from i don't know where. WTFFFFFF~!!!! Seriously. And then you guys will be fucking shocked when I said I'm single. What's your bloody problem huh?!!!!! Asshole.

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all random pictures to brighten up my blog ^^

2010-06-11T01:24:00.001+08:00

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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Been away ...

2010-06-11T00:45:00.001+08:00

Anyway, my blog is kinda dead here, as you guys can see. Been really really busy these days. So, my holidays have just started and I'm pretty much happy because after 2 months of waking up early for school and stuffs, I really need time to distress myself by catching up things with my friends and etc. And most importantly, with my mum. She's everything to me although sometimes her words hurts me a million times. Hurt me more than breaking up with a guy. Really, no kidding.

So, after school yesterday since it's already morning now, I went to vivo with Yun Fang. Was supposed to get my beloved jacket which has been put on pending for 2 months or so. And, to my utter disappointment, it was no where to be found. How saddedning. Seriously. :( I will prolly go for a hunt for jacket pretty soon. I really want to wear it together with my leopard print tank top. GRRRR. Okay, nvm. So after that meet FP (I don't think he will read my blog so I yeah, never mind, I will label him as FP here) You all won't know who he is anyway. Watched Karate Kid and then he bully me. Zzz. -______-' Treat me like his dog on the way back. So bad, seriously. Never mind, will forgive you. I'm such a kind hearted girl. And sorry okay, I'm not a small kiddd. Zzzz. Ahahaha.

Okayyy today will prolly spend some time with mommy. Hehe.

And will prolly hang out with my friends next week. XOXO

(;

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Embrace yourself with this massive updates.

2010-05-30T15:55:00.001+08:00

Download now or listen on posterous

Flyleaf_-_Red_Sam_[lyrics].mp3 (3160 KB)

I fall in love with this song so much that it has been ringing in my ears all day long. Been pretty much busy with school and stuffs that I have hardly any time for myself like shopping for clothes, dressing up, dating and meeting my friends. No no, I'm not seeing anyone but as you all know, I used to be an active dater back in 2008. -_-' Whatever, old memories should not be elaborated here. So anyway, I've not been seeing anyone since erm erm last July after the last tragic relationship. I've been pretty much sober since then and I guess I will remain sober till erm after I graduated and have a stabilized job.

I miss my friends so much. Like really miss those times when we just meet up and dress up to town or something. I miss all those times a lot. As for now, I have nobody to dress up with. I know it's pretty much boring and stuffs. Like seriously.

I miss leading a happy-go-lucky life and stress-free life back in secondary 5. Although I was put at a high level of stress, I still enjoyed my social life and I am always out during the weekends (for the first half of the year) And the last months of the year was awesome.

And right now, I guess I miss all those good memories had and the friendship that I lost last February with someone special to me. If you are reading this, I hope you realize how much you actually meant to me before we were together. And whenever I hear this particular song, it reminds me of you so much. I have never regretted what I've said or done or even if I have offended you in any other way, I will never regret those things. What I regretted the most was the thought of us still being close friends if we didn't even get together in the very first place. So yeah, I've learnt my mistake. My mistake of taking a good close guy friend like you as my boy friend and I guess, I will never consider you as my ex because I would rather have you as an ex friend .

So, that's the past. I won't hold any grudges on you. You are better off without me as a friend, so be it. But, if you realized that one day when all your friends turned away from you again like before, I hope you will think of me and just regret your foolish behaviour. The past will be history anyway. I hope I won't think of you ever again in the future. It's hard to let go of the memories but if you can accept the reality, why not me? After all, I've been through more than you.

Will probably go shopping tomorrow to de-stress myself from nonsensical past. :)

Trying to be happy with the present and not dwell on the past.

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Maybe yes maybe no...

2010-05-27T18:04:00.001+08:00

Maybe yes, maybe no.

I don't really have a answer to it.

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something which occurs to my mind

2010-05-23T17:15:00.001+08:00

Anyway, most people think that if you are wearing scarf, it means that you are good and what stuffs. However, according to me, it's not necessarily true. You know what, some 'tudung girls' can change one boyfriend to another like nobody's business. I was just reading someone's blog and this girl appear to be wearing scarf and oh boy, the number of ex boyfriends she had was like omg-ing. Seriously. I really hate it when tudung girls stare at me on the streets when I happen to talk about prayers or other Islamic stuffs. Seriously, if you think that you are way better than me, please do not be too arrogant. Like seriously, why can't I talk about Islamic stuffs like you just because I do not wear a scarf? Like seriously, you can still look up and down at me like as if I'm some kind of whatever shit to you. Fuck off okay, seriously.

I hate it when you people can judge me as if I'm feelingless or what. Hell yeah, get the hell out okay. You are the one who should be much more noble and do not go around dating guys any o how. FUCK okay.

And yeah, I've not been dating anyone for a very long time because of some personal reasons. I think I have not meet the right one, someone whom I can go gaga and can't leave without. So yeah, I will reserve my heart for someone worthwhile this time round. The past wounds have yet to recover. You know who, what and why I am talking about this. Because, some people would often think that I am in a relationship when I am not. Seriously shit. Fuck up if you do not know anything at all. Will you? Okay great. I need to relax my mind and just stop all these bullshit from affecting me. I don't care how you gonna judge me anymore. I bloody do not give a damn.

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Untitled

2010-05-17T18:41:00.001+08:00

Download now or listen on posterous

Smile_In_Your_Sleep_by_Silverstein.mp3 (3036 KB)

Download now or listen on posterous

Train--Hey,_Soul_Sister_(w_Lyrics).mp3 (3376 KB)

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Untitled

2010-05-15T12:20:00.001+08:00

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dunno how else to convey to you

2010-05-15T12:12:00.001+08:00

I really don't get you at all. I mean after ignoring you and all you still don't understand why. I can't be bothered too. So anyway, whatever continue texting and calling me okay and I will continue ignoring you. Okay best. I need to do some stuffs now. Good day peeps. And my blog is about to died or something. Sorry for the lack of life in my blog because apparently, I do not own a life. I am still in search of it . And maybe I will be changing my image or something. Hahah. Be prepared for it. Okay, whatever. This is a meaningful song, seriously. I hope you find it as meaningful as I do or something yeah. And sometimes, when you think you are all alone, another person sitting beside you might just feel the same way like you. So cheer up okay, dear friend :)

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Untitled

2010-05-12T15:19:00.001+08:00

I'm at the school main library now. Doing practically nothing other than MSN-ing and tumblr-ing and updating my dearest posterous. ^^ (: So, was supposed to do library duty but I guess, we decided to back off at the end. o.O Urghh, don't ask me why. I will make use of this time to update my blog because I will be somewhat busy over the next few days. You should perish this moment.

So, nothing much really happened. Just been busy with school and stuffs like that. I'm really a busy bee. Okay, whatever. I need to get a well-balanced life somehow. So, it's still the progress. I'm trying very hard to open up in class. I mean in asking questions and answer questions too during tutorial period. Okay, am really trying very hard. So yeah, please give me some time etc , etc.

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Untitled

2010-05-11T17:17:00.001+08:00

Even if whatever happens, you know deep down inside the truth about me. I'm sorry for everything. I think it was all my fault or something. Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time and just think before acting. Think a million times before making a decision. I'm sorry. I know it's not good enough but I guess that's all I have for now.

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Untitled

2010-05-10T12:45:00.001+08:00

currently in school and im damn bored. Zzz.... I want to go home... :/

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MOTHER'S DAY <3

2010-05-09T20:50:00.001+08:00

Happy Mother's Day to my dearest mummy. (:

she's the best mother in the whole wide world. (:

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Come home, will you?

2010-05-01T18:25:00.001+08:00

This song describes my feelings best right this moment.

Download now or listen on posterous

Eyes_Set_To_Kill_-_Come_Home.mp3 (5158 KB)

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you are the reason

2010-05-01T11:28:00.001+08:00

Just an old love song, just the mention of your name. My heart breaks in two again. I guess some things never change.

Some things just never change. Never will.

You are like a song stuck in my brain.A song full of hatred and sadness.

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Untitled

2010-04-25T16:53:00.001+08:00

I used to complaint about chinese guys adding me up at social networking websites but now, it's even worst to have underage guys like 16 or 15 years old. I don't mean to be rude or anythingt but I just have to decline your friend request. Maybe I should state ' No underage are allowed' at my profile or something?

I really hate receiving phone calls especially from those people whom I hate not been in contact with for a period of time. They just call you up and thinking that you are so free to entertain their bullshit because they were bored and had nothing left or perhaps nobody else to call but you. Mind you, I don't have the time in the world to entertain your nonsense. This goes out to the guys out there. To the guys who are not even close to me. And I hate receiving text messages when I'm damn busy. Why of all times, must you text me when I'm busy and when I did not reply, simply means that I'm busy. So, don't send me multiple text messages again. It's irritating to the maximum level.

Oh boy, I'm hungry. I need food and lots of food. I miss eating fast food every weekends. I miss going home late at night till it almost reached 12 am. I miss washing up at the wee hours. I miss bugis. I miss city hall and I miss orchard so much that it hurts me to pieces to realize that things has changed rapidly in a short period of time. And, I miss PRP a lot. I miss the swing and the water breaker.

I miss last year a lot. Very very very much. I miss O levels too. I miss secondary life. I miss every single bit about last year.

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STONNINGGGGG

2010-04-25T15:55:00.001+08:00

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This_Romantic_Tragedy_-_I'll_Shut_You_Down.mp3 (2960 KB)

I'm stoning at home this weekend. Such a bore. Really bored with my life. I want to go out and have a life like last year. Going out every weekends and blah blah blah. It's coming on to the fifth month of this year and I think I've been dwelling on so much about the past. Time to stop dwelling and focus on the future. (In terms of erm . . ) Nvm, I shall not say it here.

Watched Down with love yesterday night. I love that drama a lot. So erm, cute and erm nice. Okay whatever.

I shall proceed on with what I'm doing now. Tata. XOXO. I shall find my inner strength and never ever dwell on the past. And have a good life as well.

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... first kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything...

2010-04-24T21:05:00.001+08:00

I am so in love with this song. I really love this song a lot. A lot than anything else. More than you ever love your boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever. Whatever.

It's really meaningful, I swear. I'm addicted to it although it's pretty much outdated? So what. One of the best songs in my ipod playlist, at least. :D

XOXO

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SIGGGHHHHH

2010-04-24T01:26:00.001+08:00

[[posterous-content:pid___0]]I want a face like hers so freaking bad. Seriously. I want a flawless face with beautiful eyes and beautiful features.

Why can't I be as pretty as her? Sigggghhhhh.

Anyway, tomorrow is SATURDAY and I have no plans. No freaking plans. I miss last year a fair bit. I miss going out every weekends. Of all things, I miss arguing with you. It's weird but my heart says that's love. I know it's pointless to dwell on the past but these memories keeps haunting me. It makes me happy to realize that I've grown so much from the experience. I used to hate you so much but I realized that it was you who changed me. You changed me to be a better person. You taught me patience. You taught me pain and last but not least, you taught me to let go of things and forgive others. I hope to find someone who will teach me valuable lessons in life.

It's not easy to let go of things,

It's not easy to accept things.

It's not easy to wake up in the morning and realize that the person you used to love will never be with you again.

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SIGGGHHHHH

2010-04-24T01:23:00.001+08:00

I want a face like hers so freaking bad. Seriously. I want a flawless face with beautiful eyes and beautiful features.

Why can't I be as pretty as her? Sigggghhhhh.

It's not easy to let go of things,

It's not easy to accept things.

It's not easy to wake up in the morning and realize that the person you used to love will never be with you again.

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Untitled

2010-04-22T20:37:00.001+08:00

Seriously speaking, I hate it when people ask about my status. IT SUCKS TO THE CORE.

You wanna know why? Okay, basically, I will think about the wonderful past relationships. All the wonderful things and nothing bad about it. I just don't know what's wrong with me. I think I need a therapist or something to calm my feelings down? I know I sound so bull shit and pathetic here. Okay whatever.

To you guys who are still clueless about my status, this is for you.

I AM BLOODY DAMN SINGLE.

So, happy now? I hope you are because I am extremely happy about it. I mean to think about it, I was never serious in relationships. Like, I know it will just end at some point of time. That's the reason why I hate relationships because it's just unpredictable. I mean you may be having a hella fun at this period of time and just at longer heads the very next moment? The lack of chemistry whatever bullshit. The lack of trust. The lack of everything. I mean you may be learning to love the person but the other party just couldn't care less about you because for some reason, he or she has just stop loving you.

And you wanna know what? There's no such bullshit. Mind you, please if you are in a relationship with a good person, please I beg you a million times to appreciate each and every single moment you are together. Because, I have made a damn big mistake in my life to let him go when he was always there for me through thick and thin. And, they say the first love is the hardest. I regretted every single stupidity I have done. I regretted my foolishness,

I think it's just karma? I mean if you hurt someone real bad with or without an intension to do so, it will just come smashing into your face one very fine day.

And, if you think that I am damn bloody fussy about what type of guy should be my boyfriend, I think you should really start shutting your mouth because I am certainly not fussy at all. I'm not judgemental. I accept you for who you are. I don't care about your money, interest, passion or weaknesses. All I ever care is YOU. You.

And I think for the time being, I am certainly not going to be in any relationship. I won't be dating for the time being because err I think I'm still afraid of love. I am afraid of loving someone and being loved because one day, that love will just fades away and it will all be over. Nothing last forever.

I think I am just talking rubbish here because I am kinda depressed about my past. And the next time you people ask me about my bloody status, I swear I'm gonna smack your face.

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Untitled

2010-04-22T17:47:00.001+08:00

It's been a gazillion years since I last blogged at posterous, I think I'm gonna stick to posterous because it's way cooler than your normal blogger? Only disadvantage that I have here is that I'm clueless about editing it's layout. Anyway, here how it goes, after close to a week of life in polytechnic.

My class bonded well I guess, I mean we are always together as a class be in for lunch or just to go for our tutorials or lectures. We are pretty much united I guess? Well, that's a good sign.

Anyway, I've been thinking about it so often that it's been bugging me every now and then. I feel so erm, . . . speechless, -_________________--'

Okay whatever. I need to calm myself down,

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Meet up (:

2010-04-17T23:54:00.003+08:00

Met the girls up earlier on before school officially starts for us. Fiona and Sin Wai were unable to make it, sadly. :( Anyway, we still had lotsa fun since Amanda said she wants another outing like this again during term break. ^^

So, we met at PR MRT before heading on to City Hall. Was supposed to have a game of bowl but since the waiting list was overwhelming, we decided to wave it away for some other time(hopefully). Headed on to Bugis since City Hall was err erm boring? Heh. Okay, bought present for Fiona's birthday and we took lotsa pictures. Ahaha. (All in FB) Proceed there okay darlings.

I really need hair extensions again. Gaaah, why did I even remove them? Shouldn't have to. Oh boy, will have to get those extra fake hair by next week? Or else, my hair will look super thin and super undernourished. How sad can that be? It's alright, will get them done as soon as possible. (:

XOXO darlingssss.

2010-04-16T23:29:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since I last updated. Been kinda busy lately with school. Will be starting school this Monday. I am somehow nervous. You see, I'm the type of girl who is scared of new beginnings. Any beginnings in life. I'm afraid of this new beginnings because I have no idea how it's gonna end. You can't predict the future and new beginnings are the first mark of changes.

I hope everything will be alright. I hope this new chapter will be a good one. I hope the ending will be perfect, a perfect beautiful ending that I could never imagine. I hope so much that I am overwhelmed by fear. Despite that, I will give my all and try my very best to make everything alright and wonderful at the end of the road later.

i had a erm nightmare. . .

2010-04-14T18:37:00.002+08:00

I had a bloody nightmare yesterday night about someone. It's like so last year but yeah, I dreamed of that idiot again. -_- Zzz

This time, he was being very sweet. He dined me in a restaurant, gave me a diamond necklace and said he won't ever hurt me. Yeah, it's pretty what the . . . Why of all people, do I have to dream of you? And they said, if you see someone in your dreams, that person is longing to see you. I'm not sure of this. But, oh well.

It's been almost one year since we separated. We have been leading on separate ways ever since. I hated you so badly once because of how you treated me. But, not anymore I guess. I mean after time past, my wounds have healed and I have forgiven you, at last.

See, it took me almost a year to forgive you. To really forget about what you have done to me. The pain I went through when we fought. Last but not least, I still hold on to the happy moments we had together.

And to that someone, please stop bothering me. Stop contacting me. I hate you. I hate the way you wanna control my life. And please, stop telling me what kind of girl you want because I have my own type too in mind which is sadly, not you. So, stop wasting your time on me. Go and look for someone else.

IKEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2010-04-02T22:32:00.003+08:00

From today onwards, my blog will be full of pictures. ^^

Yeah, its APRIL ! So, no more depressing moments and looking back at all those stupid moments.

So, in order to make my blog livelier, I will have to post more pictures and sorts right. Yeah ^^

So, today went to IKEA and Tampines Mall. Bought the cheesecake ingredients and tadaaaaa, I will bake it for dearest Syidah and Diy next week. ^^

Next week will be pretty much PACKED for me. I mean I need to bake cheesecake, submit my scholarship, buy stuffs for poly and of course, meet the TWINS ^^ Well, I guess we will have to cancel our picnic due to time constrain. SAD to the core. Nvm, there will always be next time. (:

Okay,here's the PICTURESSS. XD

2010-04-01T12:45:00.004+08:00

IT's APRIL FOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSS XOXO

You know, today I'm gonna blog as though I'm really very extremely excitedly happy . For the first time in my life. I'm not gonna be so childish and blog about that someone and get myself so upset.

You know, I'm so excited. My momma and I will be shopping today and we will have the blast of our times. So happy you know. I think I'm gonna start asking my momma to arrange blind dates for me in the future. Then we can head on to the jewelery shop like SK or whatever and the guy will buy me a diamond necklace. Cool shit right. I know.

And then you know, my momma will obviously choose a rich guy for me.

WTF sia am I talking?

Okay, I'm trying to enlighten my blog.

Or else, my post will be so the depressing.

LOL

2010-03-31T13:38:00.003+08:00

I am laughing out loud at this moment after reading someone's status. HAHA. Funny much. You are glad that you have left me huh? You wanna know something? I'm damn happy that it's over. If my mum were to know that I was with you before, she would have asked me this question: "Is that the kind of guy you want?" You wanna know what? I would never ever want a kind of guy like you. No way. First, your hair colour just tells the entire world that you are not a good guy. You are WILD. And you know what, it's just sad if you do not have a fairytale dream. It just tells me that you are not a dreamer. And in order to succeed, you need a dream even though it's ridiculous like hell. And yes, you don't live up in my fairytale land because you are not a dreamer and risk-taker. You just talk a lot and you never dream of it or try to live in your dream. I am really elated that you are out of my awesome life. Yes, every words I've said in my video is so true about you. I won't go around telling people about you if you don't give me any reasons to do so. Basically, your stupid reason of dumping me (no chemistry) just sets everyone laughing at you. Whatever okay, have fun finding that chemistry with other girls. And, you said so much about chemistry, so, at some point in life when you finally realize that there's no chemistry between you and your beloved friends/family, what would you do? Tell them, I'm sorry, there's no chemistry between us, let's just break ties. Just tell them, you moron.

And keep on looking for that someone okay, don't look for mistakes. Whatever lah asshole. You think you are perfect is it? WTF la. Go and close your eyes of reality. Because you live in your own world.

Vivo-inggggg XOXO

2010-03-29T23:50:00.005+08:00

Went out with Diy and Reyme to Bugis and Vivo. Bumped into Diy at WS while Reyme and I were bitching. So, we decided to go out together since Diy was alone at that point in time. Lol. XD

First stop: Bugis, Lasalle.

Since Reyme had to send in his tuition grant fee form which cost a bomb, we proceed on to Bugis and got ourselves drenched from head to toe. It was my first time there and I love the place oh-so-much. I'm so proud of my dearest Reyme for getting a place there. JYJY bitch ^^

Second stop: Vivo

Since it had been a gazzilion years since we went there, we decided to proceed on to Vivo for our shopping? Okay, only Diy bought clothes while I just bought accessories at F21. ^^ Took lotsa pictures and I tried on alot of shoes thanks to bitch. (: Apparently, the sales assistant was staring at me because I kept on making alot of noises with Reyme? HAHA. Whatever. Proceed on to Starbucks since I owe them a drink. Hees. And we took pictures and videos. Bitchy ones of course. Hehs. Anyway, while we were at Pull & bear, these mats were saying like "cute" or something and looking at me, (according to Reyme). Please okay, mats get a life. Don't look at me. Go somewhere else. Shooooo! HAHA Actually, I don't know if they were mats or not but, whatever, since they are guys, malay guys so typical. HAHAH. Omg, I'm getting too bitchy uh. Hehs.

And after that, we proceed on home. Yay-ness. I finally got my icy soya milk ^^. So damn happy. Hees. Walked home with them and reached home at 9.30. And I am now here blogging. And the pictures in fb since I'm too lazy to upload. LOL. Sorry. :D:D

XOXO darlingggs. :D:D:D

2010-03-29T00:22:00.002+08:00

I'm really bored here. Super tiring. And today, I mean yesterday (since it's supposed to be last night). OKAY WHATEVER. Someone made me think about marriage. -__-' Yeah. Me married at the age of 20 plus? Are you kidding me? Okay, whatever. Whenever people ask me about marriage, my heart starts pounding. I mean I'm just too scared when they say about marriage. Look, I'm turning 18 this year and when do you think will I ever get married? I am single now and my past relationships just sucks to the core. So, do you think I can be married at the age of 20 plus? I mean most guys are just so into their bands and interest (skating) and whatever. We have no chemistry. I mean I think I have no chemistry with any men. I will never have . Yeah, it's depressing.

Every time I see couples together, I feel somehow jealous. I mean how could they have so many tings in common when I don't? How could they have so much fun when I don't? How could the guy be so in love with the girl even after so long when I, on the other hand, sad to say has never feel such happiness. Yeah, I think my life is depressing. To be exact, my relationship with men. I often fall for the wrong guy. All my ex are the wrong ones. They are pure bullshit . I mean, no offence but yeah they are. They don't make any effort for the relationship, What they did were 'I'm sorry. I'm not good enough for you.'

You wanna know something? I think they were right. You don't deserve my love,in the first place. I mean after what I have done. Like baking for you, leaving sweet cards behind. Doesn't mind at all if you didn't call/sms. Doesn't demand restaurants. I mean I used to but not anymore now. I think it's all in vain. I wasted my time so much when I could remain single and wait for the perfect guy.

And my mum said that I shouldn't be pursuing my studies so high. Like getting a Phd or Masters. She said my future husband (whoever he is) will bully me. (touch wood a million times). And so, my next and last boyfriend would have to be a lawyer or holds any high post carer. So that we will equal. We will have lotsa chemistry and to (insert name), you will know how much chemistry there is in me. You are just too boring. Or must I say, too lazy to find a song in me. And I hope your future girlfriend (whoever she is), will be as boring as you. I mean is just so into your music genre, slacking around and has a hair colour like yours. I regretted knowing you. I regretted every single things we did. I regretted being there for you. I regretted going out with you. I regretted being with you. I hate you so much that every time a guy comes up to me, I rejected them. Somehow, you changed me so much.

Oh well, that's the past. There's no use. That's your life. Not mine. For now, I will just stick to myself. I mean there's no point dwelling on the past. So, if you are reading this, I hope you won't think that I'm childish or what. Because you once asked if we were no longer together, would you hate me? Yes, I hate you because you destroyed my heart . You ruin my heart . You wasted my tears. You made me hate guys so much. You made me feel anger. You made me someone different. Last but not least, you made me feel like a fool when I was with you all those while.

2010-03-28T17:21:00.002+08:00

Stayed the whole day at home . Super boring. Gaaah. So anyway, nothing much to blog about actually. Once I start writing in my blog, I will somehow get depressed? Whatever. Okay so anyway, I'm done here.

Someday I hope you will just die. Die so that I won't have to talk about you.

Sometimes I wish you will realize what you have done.

Sometime I feel like you were making fool of me all those while.

2010-03-27T00:29:00.003+08:00

Finally I'm done with the enrolment thingy and stuffs. Bought laptop and I still need to settle some stuffs next week. Gaaahhhh. Okay, whatever, it's for my own good too. My future.

So, I'm trying my best not to scare people away (especially guys). So, I'm trying to change my appearance. So please, give me some time. Wth am I talking? Okay, basically, I'm talking rubbish. I don't give a damn if I scare you guys away. I will never regret it. So yeah. WHATEVER.

So, tomorrow will be spending at home I guess?

I'm craving for icy soya bean. Haiz. I want icy soya bean nowwwwwwwwwww.

2010-03-26T01:25:00.002+08:00

Okay,let me update my blog now.

Went Bishan earlier with Syidah and Diy and we bought nothing. Head on to Bugis. Borrowed books and home sweet home.

Okay, to all attached guys, please , I BEG you all not to contact me.

I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want your girl friend to text me, accusing of me stealing her boyfriend. So please, do not contact me. And please okay, If you are attached, do not try to be funny and say things like 'I wish to know you better.' WTF lah. Go to your girlfriend . Don't come to me.

Okay, I'm pissed off with these people. Not that I don't want to be your friend but, you don't have to lie to me. You don't have to say that you are single when you are in a relationship asshole!

2010-03-23T21:21:00.002+08:00

I think I should really stop posting depressing posts on my blog from now on. It's pointless. So, let this be the last depressing post. (I hope so). So, I have scare this guy away, as usual. I gave that heck care attitude when he ask me out. Like hello, I'm not interested in you. Get that into your head. Asshole. Still can ask why so many times. Go and die okay.

And, I won't want to meet any guy for the time being. I don't want to waste any of my time with you guys. It's not the time yet. I should just wait for my prince charming and not wasting my time with all those ugly frogs. I will get a good guy when I behave . :D:D:D This will cheer me up, slightly.

And, to all my MSN friends, please stop asking me a pathetic question . I am not Chinese. Get that into your head, okay? And stop asking me why am I single .

BECAUSE, it IRRITATES ME TO THE CORE.

okay, I should calm myself down with TUMBLR (:

2010-03-22T23:15:00.002+08:00

Okay, I got nothing to blog about actually. I'm so addicted to tumblr that I'm neglecting my blogspot. Oh well, anyway there's this one dumb ass that I hate so much. Seriously hate. And, the person is like writing something to get back to me. Stupid . Like hello, if you want to say those things, just say it right into my face . Don't have to edit your profile and say all those right. Stupid. Dumb ass. Seriously. If you don't like, just say it right into my face asshole.

So much of, "I hope to still be friends with you". Eh, can go and die okay. You think I want to be friends with you? Like hello, go and get a life with your friends. See if they leave you behind again like before. And get depressed and all those. Seriously. You are just like any of those guys . Just like them. So, now, I'm just hopping not to bump into you ever again in my entire life.

Okay, whatever. I don't care if you hate me too. So what?~!~!~! I don't give a fucking care. You are just nobody to me. Omg, I'm hating you more than ever each day of my life. Somebody, please save me. -_-'

2010-03-20T10:21:00.002+08:00

Omg. It's been awhile since I've updated my blog. Was pretty much busy with my life -_-' You know, I am really busy. Busy doing nothing. LOL. Oh well, March has been good to me. I mean my January and February was a disaster. Fucking disastrous. So much of the month of love. Fucking bullshit. So anyway, March has been good. And I hope it will goes well in April, May, June, July, August, September, October, (Nov?) & December! And the following year.

I spent my time watching 4bia and Phobia 2 again yesterday. It was hilarious. :D Haha. And I laughed alone. -_-' Okay, that sounds freaking scary but I don't care. Oh well, maybe I will head of to Tampines later alone. (ALONE) to self-shop. It's been awhile since I shop alone. Ages I supposed. I usually shop for my books and stationaries alone.

Maybe yes, maybe not. Depends on the weather. It's been raining and I feel so lazy. -_-'

2010-03-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

You know what? I went to Kovan yesterday all by myself to find this place (which I can't find) -_-' So, all along I was in Hougang, I kept my eyes down and I acted like a criminal. Seriously. I didn't dare look up at anyone. I was scared. Okay, whatever. I wouldn't want to go to Kovan or Buangkok or Hougang area . Never ever. And, instead of taking bus service 53, I took 58 so I won't past by two places. Yeah, I'm such a coward. You know how it feels like to go to a place you once went just because of someone. And it's over and now, you felt like demolishing the place so that you won't ever see it again. God. And you know, I once love the swing area near PR Town Park and now, I think it's somehow gone. Thank God because it reminds me of (you know who, the last letter).

Sucks much right. Okay, whatever. Next time if I ever have a boyfriend (probably not since I scare guys away), I will make sure he lives in the other end of SG and I will make my way to his hometown for our date. In case if we break up (for reasons like no chemistry or 3rd party or what bullshit) *touch wood, choy3!*, I won't have to go to that place again because I have no reasons too and it's far away. Oh hell yeah I'm smart right? HAHAHA

Okay, that's yesterday and the past. I don't give a bloody damn.

Anyway, today's shopping was limited. You see, we couldn't find anything appealing at Bugis. Sucks much. Ended up with 3 pairs of shoes from Rubi. Whattttttttt~!

And, you see I'm sucha good angel. I went home before 8. Yeah. I LOVE single life. Makes me so noble. BAHAHAHHA .

2010-03-15T12:33:00.002+08:00

Spent my night watching Santau and Susuk yesterday. It's not scary at all. Seriously. Although I think I'm the last person to watch it. Oh whatever. -_-'

And today, will spend my time watching others I guess. And I'm gonna revamp my bedroom while Mama's not at home. Ahahaha. I'm gonna shift the furnitures around my room. I'm gonna head on to IKEA someday for more boxes and carpet. I want a new carpet. I want a flurry pinky carpet. CAN,CAN?Please. Lol -_-'

Okay, off to tumblr now. You can choose to read both my tumblr and blogspot and ask me anything at formspring. :DDD

2010-03-14T10:15:00.002+08:00

Finally get to watch Dear John after a gazillion years. LOL

So anyway, I really find the movie quite touching and sad. And to those who thinks it's boring, I guess you are just unfeeling?

HAHA.

Here's the pictures. :D

okay done.LOL. toodles .:D

2010-03-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

Went out for bowling and head on to town today.

And here's the pictures and others with Syidah and Saff.

okay, toodles. have an awesome tuesday.

2010-03-08T16:55:00.002+08:00

If you ever ask me what I need,

I'll reply:

And all I really need is to breathe . Not you.

Head on to the park alone & scream your lungs out when there's nobody else to see you through your eyes.

2010-03-08T16:36:00.002+08:00

Bring your guitar along to the beach & light up a cigarette while waiting for me.

Anyway, I was chatting with this guy on msn earlier on and like any other guys, he immediately made a stupid excuse after knowing where I'm schooling at. -_-' Eh pathetic okay. If you don't want to chat with me just say so. Don't give me lame excuses like :

"okay la ..

u seems to be bz

kite chat some other day je okay ? "

Whatever okay. And when I asked where he's schooling. He replied me in caps : ITE

Oh wtf. It's like seriously wtf. Did I scare u guys away & you had to give me lame excuses to end the conversation. Like hello, I don't give a fuck at all but it's kinda rude. Like seriously.

You see, I always scare guys away and yet, my mum is really very much concern about BGR when I enter poly. Like hello, I won't. If I can scare guys away on msn that means I really scare you guys away in real life. Oh whatever. I don't give a fucking damn but what is really bugging me is that why are you guys afraid of me when you know where my school and course? It's not as though I'm in JC or what. And if I'm in JC, I wouldn't be here typing this post out at this hour. I will probably be in school or at home mugging like a nerdy girl. Okay whatever.

2010-03-06T13:51:00.001+08:00

Try mixing noodles and rice into your plate and eat it accompanied with a red wine mixed with berries and milo.

2010-03-05T16:56:00.002+08:00

There's nothing much to do today. Just went for medical check-up and back home and just sat in front of the computer all day long. Anyway, I wanna buy new clothes. Really good new clothes, replenish my make-up essential, buy new shoes, buy new accessories, buy new bags, buy new watch, buy new smart wear (as I'm going to business course) and buy everything new. ^^

Maybe will be heading to Tampines or Marine Parade tomorrow? Idk. I really want to buy things from Hypnosis again (it has been a year) I love their belts and jackets. ^^

So, anyway I've not been signing in to MSN lately because it's pointless? And, it feels so much awesome when I'm not on MSN. Okay whatever.

2010-03-03T20:46:00.002+08:00

I think I should stop posting about depressing stuffs on my blog. But, I just can't help it. LOL! Oh well, actually I have a confession to make. I mean among all the guys I've dated so far (mostly in 2008). Wow, two years ago! Okay, back to the story. Only one has really moved me deeply. I still remembered the long phone calls, midnight text messages we had till 3 a.m. I still remembered how long he waited just to meet me. I still remembered the long journey he made to travel from his hometown to my place just to meet me for a few hours. I still remembered the date we had. I still remembered the long walks we had and the way you hold my hands and just hugged me in the rain. And when you are gone, I just realized how stupid I was not to let you into my life. You are like my dream guy. You are intelligently talented. You could sing, play the drums and guitar. You could cook and bake. You could draw artistically. You are like everything I could ever wish for. You were patient with me. You were always there whenever I need you. You were everything I could ever asked for.

And you really moved me so much. I think, somehow I do love you. But, it's a little too late. I think you have waited for me enough and enough is enough. Whoever your girlfriend is now, she is so lucky to have you. Really. You are just different from any guys. You love your family dearly and at the same time, you showed respect to girls. You have never hurt them in any way and will always do anything to resolve problems to keep the relationship going.

And, even after two years, I still could still remember everything about you. I hope I could find someone like you again in the future and this time, I will never want to let him go. I would really treasure him and will go through thick and thin with him. I will never want to hurt him in any way at all. And I would stick with him till we tie a knot and have children and we would live happily ever after. I will still have some faith in love after all these hell I've been through. And the next time, I will make sure it will be the last boyfriend I would want because I want to make him mine till the end of my life time. No more bullshit relationships. No more wasting my time with any guy who will just be uncertain about love and thinks that we do not have the chemistry at a certain point of time.

And for the meantime, I will save my heart for someone like you. Someone who could steal my heart and would never want to let it go forever. This time, I would be very careful in love. :DDD

2010-03-02T18:29:00.003+08:00

So, after a year of stupid crappy stuffs that has happened in my relationship with (you know who- the last letter), I didn't dare to date anymore. I'm in phobia of guys. You see, when they know the real me, they just hesitate. They will give it a thought about getting together with me & in the end, they will kinda think that they might hurt me in the future and what rubbish and so you know, we will end up as enemies. Yeah enemies because I hate being friends with my ex because it's damn awkward.

So, after the the relationship with (you know who- the last letter), I isolate myself from cyber. Okay, yeah. And when guys asked for my numbers, I said no. And occasionally will just give but seriously, you guys are so irritating. You just can't stop texting me. And when I didn't reply, you will send me millions of messages asking why did I ignore you. Like hello, I'm probably busy or I just don't want to waste my precious time with someone like you.

And I know I don't really know the places in Singapore, what buildings and roads and whatever, so guys tend to think that I'm sucha bore. That I don't have a life. That I don't know anything at all. And so very much clueless. Oh hell yeah, I'm clueless but I have my directions right. Just wait till I get my license and you will know who's the clueless one on roads by then. Unlike you guys. And you spend hours with your friends hanging out in LAN shops or jamming studios or just chilling out at esplanade, void decks. And that's life to you, huh? Come on, grow up. That's not life. Are you really happy when you don't do anything at all other than just chilling out with your friends on a daily basis?

And I guess I just scare guys away. They are too scared to be friends with me whatsoever. It's like I have fangs and is ready to suck their blood. Whatever. So, now I have shut myself from being in contact. Yeah, no more sweet messages. It's been awhile since I received a sweet text message. Heck care. I don't need a sweet talker. So now, I will just be single till I'm done with my studies. If I don't meet a decent guy by 25, I will just head on to a dating agency. No need to rush over boys. Boys are clueless (especially 18 years old) . Clueless on what they really want and thinks that it's not their fault but me. Yeah, I'm at fault for letting you take my heart when I could just give it to the one that I love. Okay, I don't love anyone at that point in time and I have never wanted to love you anyway. But yeah, it's just your luck that I happen to accept you when I have rejected many others. SUCKERS.

2010-03-02T15:32:00.002+08:00

I'm done reading forever, finally . So anyway, it's ironic (really). I mean the title is FOREVER but Kat's and Michael's love is not FOREVER at all. They have been deeply in love & just could not leave each other's side. But, Kat's love for Michael eventually fades away or something when she met a guy in her camp. BULLSHIT. Seriously. I hate this kind of love story. Michael was seriously in love with Kat and would do anything for her but Kat, thinking she's a matured girl (at age 18) just proves to us that she's not matured at all. Seriously, after what they have been through as a couple, she could have the cheek of hers to tell Michael about another guy. Wth. I hate this kind of relationships. It's just bullshit. If every single person is like Kat, I think the world would run out of love by now. Seriously, I felt angry after reading the novel. I hate it when relationship has to end because the other party is uncertain about his/her feelings. It's pure bullshit. And, the other party will be like saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. But, things just happen." All these are pure BULLSHIT. And then, the other party would still have a hope to be your friend. WHATEVER. How could you even face the other party after hurting and leaving your relationship because you was just unsure of yourself.

Seriously, uncertainty sucks. And, involving other's heart because of your uncertainty is pure sucker. And I hate Kat in the novel. I'm really sorry for Michael.

And yeah, to those who's like Kat, I really hope that one day, you will be played just like how you played with people's heart. I hope you will feel how hurting it was to be left just because the other party is uncertain and doesn't wish to try to find a spark in the relationship.

All these are pure bullshit. I hate relationships. Relationships are just pure bullshit. I hate it. And at times, when you do feel that you don't love the person (when in a relationship) but you try to treat the person well and try to find something to love but come to it, it's pure bullshit because the person just takes it lightly and leave you and just go into his own fucking world and thinks you are the dumb one when it was all his fucking fault and thinks that he was right all along when it was all his fucking fault because he made the decision to let you go. And he will always be leaving in guilt because he just can't accept the facts that he was fucking wrong. FUCK YOU!

And all these has nothing to do with my life. I wrote it from knowledge I gained from novels and articles.

2010-03-01T14:42:00.003+08:00

I find the first picture awesome and sexy. Hell yeah, I don't smoke but I just find smoke as sexy in photography. And for the second picture, everything's that stated there is just true. SO TRUE. It's not that we cannot accept the facts but it's just fucking hurting when you were treated like a piece of unfeeling tissue to someone. Okay, whatever. Seriously whatever. I just find those words captivating.

Somewhere in an unclear miasma

You stood rooted to the ground

Thinking about the past & misery

Tears came trickled down your cheeks

Your eyeliner smeared

Your eyes are bloodshot

You made up your mind in this mess

To let go of hatred

It's not headstrong

But hatred for believing blindly.

2010-02-27T22:15:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why some people could change boyfriend/girlfriend so easily. How they could just end their relationship & go with someone else so easily. As if nothing has happened. How their heart could just accept someone new. How they could say 'I love you' to that someone so easily. To me, this is BULLSHIT. We can never fall in love so easily. In most cases, their love is not true. Your love is purely based on how afraid you are to be alone. And when things don't turn out right, they just end your relationships. How heartless can they be?

Sometimes I wonder why some people have to date so many people before finding that someone that they thought they love. Like seriously, love cannot be forced. It has to come naturally. Even so, I don't understand why some people could change their feelings so easily. Like how could you say you love someone a minute and the next, you show a cold shoulder to that someone. I just don't understand.

For me, I have never literally fall in love before going into a relationship. I have never feel such love. I learn to love when I am in a relationship day by day.

And for those people who don't take love seriously, I suggest you should never fall in love again. It's hurting. It's not worth it to tell someone you love him/her & in the future, your heart just feels that it's not worth it to love him/her. In most cases, this is the most hurting and evil deed you could possibly do. It's worst than murder. How could you be so heartless ? How could you treat someone like that? How could play with their heart? How could you? And, if it ever come smashing into your face, you purely deserve it. You deserve the pain because you did that to someone before. You did that without thinking for your own sake. You did that without thinking about others. You did that without thinking much. You did that because you are heartless. You did that because you think you will find someone better but in truth, you never will. You won't because you deserve to be hurt by someone you think is good enough for you.

I've thought about love. Love is unconditional. You don't love someone for a reason. You merely love someone when you let love in. And no matter what, you will still love that someone. You will always learn to love that someone and you will always think of ways to treasure your relationship.

And if you ever suddenly feel that you no longer love that someone, it's just bullshit. It's either you are never serious in the first place or you are just unfeeling. It's really bullshit. And sometimes you will only understand when you go through a tragic love story. And then, you will never wish to be in love again because you are afraid if love would fade like before.

YOU = SUCKER

2010-02-27T12:31:00.002+08:00

2010-02-26T21:00:00.004+08:00

Okay, among all these emotions, I will choose the smiley one. Ghaha.

Anyway, I've re-dyed my hair to natural black. It's now black & extremely smooth and shiny. ^^

I love my hair texture very much. Oh well, I've been falling asleep while watching the television lately. I just don't know why. :S

And I usually said "I'm fine" when I'm not. Yeah, I'm a liar. S0 are you . :DDD

2010-02-25T14:45:00.003+08:00

(Y)(Y)(Y)

This is like seriously true. It's the fact. (Y)(Y)(Y)

I really like these words.

Okay, I'm bored. Seriously bored.

Reyme called & asked if I could accompany him to Tamp awhile ago. Baah, I can't.

Sorry dude. Pfft. I must be a goody good girl these days. And also, I cancelled my

meeting with my another friend.

And my hair is getting brownish than ever. Due to frequent hair wash.

So, maybe will be heading to WS tomorrow to get the hair dye colour.

Sucks much. -_-'

Bluerggggh.

I wanna write a poem soon. But, I just have nothing emotional to write.

It's getting difficult than ever.

And I misplaced my spectacles. Gaah. Been months since I last put them on. -_-'

Need new pair of glasses before school commence. ^^

Which means, shoooopppppinnnnnnnnggggggggg. (excited)

Jump,jump,jump.

2010-02-25T13:13:00.002+08:00

This is so true. (Y) I really like this so much !

Oh well, I've been spending my time indoors lately. I've been a good girl I guess. Ahaha. Oh well. I wanna shop. I wanna shop! I wanna buy all the prettiest clothes from F21. I wanna buy new accessories. I wanna buy new cosmetic products. I want to buy new DOMO! I wanna buy new shoes. I wanna buy everything new. Okay, will buy all these soon. Like seriously soon.

And, I wanna watch DEAR JOHN so badly. OMG! I love the trailer. Super awesome. (Y)

I wanna dine-in at FIG & OLIVE. (Y)

Okay, before that I will have to re-dye my hair to jet black. I will have to remove my hair extensions as well. I'm gonna be a good good good girl. No more those stupid looks okay Sep. No more. Must look superbly innocent now. Yeah. (Y)

Be yourself (:

2010-02-24T11:57:00.005+08:00

Didn't get the chance to blog at all yesterday. Well, basically I was pretty much occupied. I've been reading words of wisdom and it always calms me down. I mean, while I was fuming with anger and rage, it just cools me down like an instant icy cool water from heaven. Words are, of course, the powerful drug used by mankind.

Well, today is very much like any ordinary day. I am really bored at home but there's no point winching about it because I am supposed to prove to myself that I am a very good girl, indeed. Yeah. I must be good. I must not try to portray a wild look. I am not a wild girl. Yeah, I just can't decipher why some people said that I look wild. Maybe I am? But I'm not. Okay, whatever. Looks can be deceiving. As long as I am not those wild types kinda girl at heart, I know I am positively not wild. :D

Bluerghhhhhh. Today's WEDNESDAY. I want to visit NLB. I want to read as many books as possible before April. I want to re-read those vocabulary words I came across in preparation for O-Levels before April. I want to be indulged in language. I want to read To Kill A Mockingbird. I MISS school. I MISS everything about school. Maybe my brother was right. I will feel something is missing out from my life if I didn't study for a day. So, is that a positive or negative sign? Ahaha. Okay, whatever.

MONDAY (:

2010-02-22T21:34:00.004+08:00

Finally had the chance to meet my beloved Diy & Reyme after a long,long time. Was extremely excited and happy. (: Had a whole lot of fun with both of them. Anyway, we watched Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief. It was such a amazing movie. (: Oh, to end the day, I received a letter from someone. How touching eh?! The Last Letter. I could always write a novel using that title. It would definitely be an awesome hit. Don't you agree with me? Yeah, sure. We did videos as well but it's TOO BITCHY. And I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by posting it here, in public. :D

And the letter you wrote was just pure BULLSHIT. You can't even write it in a proper english. Don't bother writing it because it's just pure BULLSHIT. So, do you still love me now? Oh, the reason you love me is probably because I have been putting up with your damn bloody attitude unlike other girls. And it's been a year. It's just so sad that you just can't get over me. GET OVER IT AND GET A LIFE. YOU ARE JUST BULLSHIT. PURE BULLSHIT.

Anyway, here's the pictures :DDD

I'm happy leading a single life rather than a life with a BLOODY idiotic guy like you.

See, I'm happy ! :DDD

2010-02-21T13:31:00.003+08:00

FUCK YOU by =alsebka on deviant ART

Been spending hours in front of the computer watching videos and youtubing. And seriously, some people (which I don't wish to reveal their identity) just can't sing and ironically, many people like your covers. Hello, this is so unfair. If you can't sing, please don't destroy anybody's songs will you? And just because the person looks gorgeous/handsome, you don't have to fool yourself by giving encouraging comments such as "You're amazing" -_______- This is just so bullshit. And honestly, your video is so BORING. MUNDANE. And you people might be wondering why am I even bothered to watch that person's video. Oh, that's because I was youtubing and happen to come across that person's covers. I though it would be amazing due to the overwhelming comments. Sadly, it was such a bore. So, if you can't sing, please do not bother posting your boring video and be contented by those bullshit amazing comments. Because it's just pure bullshit.

So anyway, will just be youtubing for the whole day. And will be reading also. Yeah I love reading. Brightens up my day. Make me feel much more knowledgeable.

Did some quiz & here's what I found out. I very much agree with the result. (:

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Dear John

2010-02-20T10:16:00.003+08:00

I want to watch Dear John so badly. Although I'm not a fan of a love story movie, this movie really moved me. They took just two weeks to fall in love. That's fast. Omg. Like so surreal. I find the trailer so amazing.

So,anyway I'm done reading Dead-End Job. I find Feral kinda boring. I don't really understand the story plot. So, I'm not going to read any further. Will be making my way to NLB Monday evening. I want to read something that inspires me.

So,today will basically follow my fam to settle something . I think? If not, I'll just keep myself busy on the net. Or watch television? Or sleep. Or whatever. Or take my poetry book and begin my poems again. But I can't. I'm not in a depressed mode. Okay whatever. I want to surf something on the net. (:

2010-02-19T11:55:00.004+08:00

If such a claim could be made against this day,
Who am I to dispel it?
I cannot stake you wrong,
and I mustn’t idle on being right.

Let prophecy be broken, if need be,
But do it in your own way. See,
in your own way.
Idolize yourself as you do sought features,
And purge otherwise demented wisdoms.

As it must be determined, by you,
Which cord to pluck.
I cannot stake you wrong,
for choosing such,
as it is your sound, to expel;

should another break silence
through your fickle fingers
then never should your eyes
have sought an instrument to
ponder over, unless it was a
tool meant to be shared.

I've decided to make thumblr. All those emotional entries will be posted there and not here.

Go visit it if you like. :D

http://septheheroine.tumblr.com/

I've been having an ordeal daily schedule. Reading is the best medicine to shut myself out of reality. Just finished reading 'Fill in this application and wait over there'. It's really hilarious and awesome. Currently working on Dead-End Job. To sum it up, my life just revolves on reading.

And I don't know why some people just have to misjudge me. As if I am a fucking liar to you. Whatever, I don't care what you think of me anymore. It's okay if you do not want to be friends with me because a friend is someone who knows all your faults and likes you anyway. You can judge me all you want. And I hope you are reading this.

So yeah, it's okay. I still have my life ahead like going to poly etcetc. And I just hope that I won't give the guys that evil hatred stare there. Or else, they might think I'm a psycho or what? Worst still weirdo . Hah

2010-02-18T17:53:00.002+08:00

happy happy happy by =ntscha on deviant ART

And relationships just sucks, for me at least. Most people thought I'm choosy when I'm not. Maybe I should be choosy. I should start dating and witness for myself which kind of guy really deserve me. Most guys are just too afraid of me because I scare them away each time they know more about me. They think they are not good enough for me and go after a girl who is just too degraded for them. I envy those girls. Why must you guys go after them when you know they just wanna have fun? And when you meet someone good, you just blew it away. How dumb can you guys get?

So,the next time I'm going to fall for a guy, I will make sure he really deserves me. Oh well, that will be years later because right now, I HATE GUYS! ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME. They are HEARTLESS, MEAN, DUMB & they deserve those DEGRADED girls which they worship so much.

2010-02-17T20:51:00.003+08:00

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

(I believe in karma. Someday, it will come smashing into your face)

It's okay, I'm prepared for it. I knew that it's coming. Everything gotta end eventually. It's just a matter of time. And like most of my friends said, you will find a better one. I don't really care. The matter is, will I ever fall in love again? I don't think so because my heart is as frozen as a solid ice. Oh well, time will tell. I'm still young. There's no point for me to cry about it because nothing will change. GIRLS MUST BE STRONG! (Although deep down, I did feel an inch of pain but it's okay).

Anyway, I think I will have a better, decent like life without a guy. I won't have to lie to my mum anymore. I won't be going home late anymore. I will change for the better. I will try to be a good girl so that someday,maybe at the age of 25, I will meet a guy just like me and we will get married at 30 just like any other happy ending fairy tale story.

So, right now I will just read and read and read and hopefully I will have a million things to talk about when poly starts and people won't find me a bore because I just have nothing to talk about. Oh well, I must indulge myself in books now. Toodles. :DDD

2010-02-16T22:18:00.003+08:00

Went out with Syidah to Tampines, Bugis & City Hall.

First stop, Tampines: Syidah treat me Swensens (Fish & Chip) ^^ Thank you babe :DDD

Second stop: Bugis. Syidah was supposed to shop but nothing much I guess and NOTHING appeals to me. Seriously, nothing at all. Never mind. Will shop with Mama later to F21. :DDD

Third stop: City hall. Went to Esplanade and kinda slacked at Marina Square area. Took pictures & videos. Haha. Okay, the video is below, you can play it. AHAHAH.

and the pictures:

2010-02-16T10:21:00.002+08:00

Finally met Nab yesterday after 8 long months. We just sort off walk around and update about the past 8 months? And I was really being a good girl. For the first time in my life, I reached home around 6 p.m. Mama was shocked & proud of me, at the same time. I felt so noble.

And I have been watching Chinese Drama lately. Channel 8, Channel U. With or without subtitles. I don't care. I am so in love with these two channels. My only source of entertainment and distraction till April. My life saviour. My hero. My love of my life. My only lover in the world. Yeah. Apart from that, I am really trying my best to read the newspaper daily from today. And I will write a review on an article too. I really have nothing left to do. I will just spend my time wisely rather than winching about it like some old folks.

Anyway, did went to JB last Sunday with fam. It was okay, not too bad. At least I got my Carlorino sandals at a very extremely good deal. Ate and ate like I have never seen food in my entire life before. And I found my stylus in the car, so lucky.

And on top of that, I watched 200 pounds beauty at night despite watching it before. Okay, I love the movie so much. My one and only hero till April.

I want school now. I want school so badly. I want to occupy my time fruitfully. Maybe I should make my way to the library someday and read on business books. Baah. I want Nikkie Business Daily. It's so cool. Cooler than your latest gadget. Okay whatever, I am just ranting here because I have nothing better to do.

2010-02-13T11:13:00.002+08:00

I felt way better today after constantly telling myself to leave it to FATE. So, I did some reading, watched Chinese shows, updated my Ipod and what knot. And, I finally realized that my Ipod is full of songs from Flyleaf, Eyes Set To Kill, A Day To Remember, Silverstein, Kill Hannah, Bless The Fall, Picture Me Broken, This Twilight City, Paramore, This Romantic Tragedy and Pierce The Veil.

And I could still remember how much I love listening to This Romantic Tragedy mid of last year because I was so emo. And I will blast my stereo with "I'll Shut U Down" because it just makes me feel better, way better. I'll Shut you down, you not worth it. Ahaha. So true. So much true uh. So, if you think that you are in the wrong and what knot, listen to this song. :D

And also If I Never Wake Again. Hah, this song is so meaningful. Your loved ones should really listen to it. Make them really think how much you are worth it in their lives. Actually,whatever uh. I don't care anymore now. At least I still have my friends. There are some things which you just have to leave it to FATE. (: (Y)

2010-02-12T14:45:00.002+08:00

Adolf Hitler has been my idol since I took History in Secondary 3. According to me, he has great will & believe to be what he was as compared to before. How could you meet a man full of believe and determination now? Although people may say that he's mean & a killer, I still adore him. I adore his will power. He is a powerful man with great determination. He could even defend himself & cut short his imprisonment due to his convincing talks.

Next, the wife of Hitler, Eva Braun was someone I would like to adore as well.

Read their story : http://www.evabraun.dk/index.htm

Okay, maybe I prefer the past than the future too much. Sometimes, I feel the past is way better than the future. The future is yet to be told. Sometimes it may be good but sometimes, it may be your greatest nightmare. While people live for the future, I would prefer to live for the past.

From past defeats, we are STRONGER today. From past defeats, we are AFRAID of tomorrow. From past defeats, we WORK HARDER today. From past defeats, we are CONSTANTLY BLAMING OURSELVES when we fail again. From past defeats, WE ARE WHO WE ARE TODAY.

whatever happens, have faith.

2010-02-11T18:28:00.004+08:00

Times are rough. Whatever happens, I will try to be as strong as before. I won't let my disappointment ruin my life. I won't be the cry baby girl I used to be in the past. I will try not to shed a tear. I will try to be strong and face my life. It's okay. I won't seek for a revenge because I believe in karma. Someday my prayers will be answered. I have faith. I still do. I'm going to live my life once without regret and take every failure as an experience & mark of how far I get into in the future.

"Miracles will happen if you believe and is sincere about it, willing to give your soul ." -

2010-02-09T17:27:00.005+08:00

Okay, this is Cady Groves. I wanna be like her, can? I wanna be as pretty and talented as her can? Please. See how awesome her hair is. And how flawless she is. Okay, I adore her so much.

And her voice too. And I love her song lyrics, so meaningful. :D

2010-02-08T19:18:00.002+08:00

I learnt my lesson the hard way . I think I should stop thinking about myself and start listening to what others said. Anyway, I managed to read a 233 pages novel today to occupy my time. 'This is what I want to tell you' is an excellent first novel by Heather Duffy Stone. I love the characters in the book especially Noelle and Lace. The way Lace, as a single mum in the novel shows me how strong and believable she is for her twins. And I hate Parker so much. He just took advantage of Noelle's feelings. How could you play with her heart and Noelle did went to depression but she's strong enough to walk out of Parker's life in the end. Took a whole lot of courage.

"Why don't people ever see the way other kinds of love can wreck you?

What about the way being left out of love can wreck you?"

Those words are just so true.

2010-02-05T21:54:00.004+08:00

I prayed that everything will be alright and that I'm just being paranoid about this. Just my thoughts. None of it will happen, I hope so. Even if it does, I will just pray and hope and stand here helpless . Patience will achieve more than force. But am I patient enough?

2010-02-04T21:44:00.003+08:00

Went to Nenek's house with Mama before meeting my bestfriend Reyme, Hui Min & Xueyi.

So we bitched and update about everything. Ahaha. :D And walked around PR to check out something.

Was feeling way better today as compared to yesterday. So much happy :D

Thank God . If not I guess I will fall back into depression or what and I know nobody would care. Who cares anyway. So yeah. Must be STRONG !

I LOVE this cute little girl :D

& my neighbour is super random when I bumped into him.

Him: Hey, where are you from?

Me: Just met my friend.

Him: Oh. Hey,anyway I love your smile.

Me: -_-' Oh, lol?

Him: Haha, okay got to go.

Me: Okay. (going up the stairs)

Him: (From below) See lah I talk to you the lift never wait for me.

Me: -_-'

Him: (laughs) Okay bye-bye.

don't bother reading - it's a long post

2010-02-03T10:20:00.004+08:00

Since this is my blog, I will vomit my entire feelings here.

I took four panadols before dozing off in bed. I thought I was going to feel much more better but I didn't. In fact, I felt worst. I woke up thinking about my entire life- from childhood to now. I felt like a piece of shit.

I finally realised that I didn't have a happy childhood. My dad passed away when I was eight going on nine due to a heart attack. While most children my age had their fathers by their side, I had none. They had the chance to bond with their dad,play a game & family outings while I did not. I wasn't given such privilege at all. All I had was past memories. When children my age said about "My father..", I had nothing to share to them. I felt left out most of the time.

While most children had the privilege to go on a family outing as a whole family in their childhood, I didn't. My family had to go on without him. Of course I felt sad. I envied those children my age. I envied witnessing how much fun they had with the presence of a complete family.

Of course I missed my dad dearly but I've never expressed or told anyone about it not even my mom. Throughout my childhood, I've never once asked her about my dad. I know his gone and will never come back with us. I did cried when I missed him so much.

After my dad departed, life was just much more painful for me. I wasn't doing well in primary school and so, I disappoint mama. She was so disappointed that one day she even said that she will send me to the orphanage if I flung my test again. My heart felt as if it has been stabbed by a knife. Of course, I've never blamed her for saying that to me. I understand how it feels to be in a situation so down and low. She kept on boasting about how good her friend's kids are and it just UPSETS me more than ever. I know I wasn't bright. In fact, I am so stupid and dumb. True enough, my PSLE was just another failure in her eyes. I know I've disappointed her so much.

I followed my family to the family lawyer at such a young age. Even though I was young, I learnt that my dad was a good man who saved his assets for us. He was a responsible man and my mum was lucky to be married to him. Even though his gone, he will always be in our hearts every single moment.

From then onwards, I vowed to study as diligently as possible. I've tasted failure so many times in my life since I was young. It sucks when everyone seems to be looking down on you because you are not as smart as others. I tried to pick myself up when I was 13. I revised every single day and all these for my mom. I want to prove to her that I can be like her friend's intelligent kids. I made my way through with tears ever single day. I admit I cried in the middle of the night whenever I thought about these.

Life wasn't fair. My family faced a crucial moment yet again when I was 14. The situation was bad but I have just one aim. To prove to my family that I can excel. I did. However, the triumph was just temporary. I flung in A. Math when I was 15. Yes, I am a A. Math dropout. You may think it's a joke but it's not. I am UPSET. I should have gave it a shot. But I didn't because I am a COWARD.

At 16, a miracle came true. Everyone seems to change their perception about me due to an achievement. Most people thought I am dumb because I didn't talk much. Yes, I didn't talk much but that doesn't mean I am dumb. I think more that's all. Even my ex primary school tutor looked down on me. My primary school teacher as well just because I flung my Math.

At 17, I have grown so much. I understand life like it is. I have gone through alot but I never mentioned or share anything with anyone. I have never vomit my entire feelings before. My heart aches every single day because this load has been bottled up for almost 10 years. Just be grateful if you have mom/dad/siblings/friends/girlfriend/boyfriend to share your sorrows because I don't. I don't have anyone to vomit my entire feelings to because nobody really care how I feel.

And YES,some people said I have that sad face because my life is SAD. I just tried to be happy but deep down inside, I am SAD. I am always SAD.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for all these occurrences because I could understand how other's feel. I could feel for them when they are sad even without them telling me. So, the next time you feel that your life is like a piece of shit, think again. At least you don't have to go through shit at such a young age. And if you think like giving up, don't ever give up because miracles do happen when you are sincere and tried your best. Last but not least, when you prayed to Allah to show you the light.

The most important lesson I've learnt all along is to be sincere in whatever you do. Even so, people just can't see how sincere you are towards them. And YES, I have never ever confronted anyone in my entire life because it hurts a million. I rather swallow the pain than anyone else.

Okay, I really feel like crying again now.

SUICIDE

2010-02-02T19:18:00.006+08:00

Accompanied Hui Min to get John's birthday present and went for job hunting as well. I hope they will call us. Seriously, I am damn bored at home. The only thing that I do is THINK,THINK & THINK. I kept on thinking these days. I think about everything even the slightest thing can come into my mind. And these thoughts just UPSETS me. I need a crying shoulder now but I don't think nobody would ever want to hear me out.

So, will be going out with Mama tomorrow. I need to buy the cupcake ingredients to make cupcakes for Sunday. I will just be nice. I hate getting angry and the personality test I did in Facebook was just so true. I did alot for others but sometimes I just expect the same but it didn't turn out to be like what it is. It's okay I guess. Just keep quiet and pray someday miracle would come into my life. This is life. You don't get what you want in life. You have to take it and hope for the best and if it doesn't turn out to be like you hope, just accept it with open heart and just continue with life.

Okay whatever. I feel so down these days.I will just pretend that everything is okay even though it's not. Nobody would ever understand me.

Is it so hard to tell how sincere a person is?

outdated updates.

2010-02-01T17:07:00.003+08:00

30th Jan:

Was supposed to celebrate Syidah's birthday but I think it didn't turn out to be any celebration except for just the cake and present. Sorry though. Somehow it cock up last minute. I really hate it when my phone just hangs on me when I really need to communicate with someone at such an outrageous moment. So, after the ' not even a birthday celebration', proceed to Rin's<3>

His band was 3rd to perform. Told you,you won't cock up.=) Diy and Reyme left halfway. So sad. =( Followed them to eat and I reached home at 12.05 a.m for the first time in my life. I was lucky since Mama didn't really lecture me. PHEW~!

And today, I am dead bored. I am really bored. Nothing to do at all. So lifeless. I feel like jumping down from a high cliff or something rather than staying at home looking up at these four walls thinking deeper than ever every single minute of my life. I hate feeling paranoid but I guess I can't help myself none.

Pictures below:

2010-01-31T21:22:00.004+08:00

I'll update about yesterday once I get hold of the pictures. And for the first time in my life, I reached home at 12.05 a.m. Luckily Mama didn't really scold me or what. I just don't like being lectured and scolded so much. It UPSETS me somehow. I am so dead bored. Okay actually not. I love helping Mama baking. Seriously, it ENLIGHTENS me. At least I could bake and it turns out edible and unburned. I prefer baking than cooking because cooking requires salt and I just can't be bothered about the saltish taste. I mean even if it's tasteless, I can't be bothered to take the ketchup or add in a pinch of salt more into the gravy.

I won't be going out often this week. How sad?! I want to go out. Out to somewhere,anywhere. I need to breathe. I want school! I want to occupy my time with something beneficial instead of rotting at home. I think deeper when I'm alone and it sucks.

2010-01-27T17:13:00.003+08:00

MOE: SAFIAH BTE YAHYA, you are posted to S'PORE POLY,BANKING & FINANCIAL SERVICES (S76) under 2010 JAE.

Now you know where I'm going to be for 3 years. I suddenly felt like my teen hood will come to an end sooner or later. I'm going to be 18 this year. I felt so old suddenly. I will have to think deeply for my future. I need to achieve what I want before I reach 30? I need to plan my time, goals,financial and everything to achieve my dreams. Like they said, nothing is ever too early to plan. Might as well plan now before it's a little bit too late to regret.

25 Goals:

1. Boost my confidence level.

2. Be closer to Allah.

3. Make as many acquaintance as possible (no more choosing of friends)

4. Try out new challenging outdoor activities/sports. (Eg: Archery etc,etc)

5. Stop thinking of others most of the time (till when must I put other's feelings first? Why must I always give in to you people? Take my stand when the occasion rises!)

6. Appreciate life as it is.

7. Improve myself in every single way.

8. STOP being paranoid.

9. Read more.

10. SAVE more money.

11. THINK more about the future.

12. Keep in touch with my close friends.

13. Spend on clothes at least once in TWO months.

14. STOP eating junks.

15. SHOW not TELL my loved ones how much they meant in my life.

16. Never disappoint my loved ones.

17. Be more OPTIMISTIC.

18. Visit NLB weekly.

19. Be more outgoing.

20. Spend more time with family.

21. Try to give back to the society.

22. START writing poems again.

23. Treasure my friendship.

24. Fight for my rights.

25. & last but not least, be myself.

25 goals because I was born on the 25th. I really meant all these words. I will try to accomplish them. (:

out with diy & reyme (:

2010-01-26T22:26:00.003+08:00

Went to Bugis to buy something with Diy & Reyme. After much crapping and stuffs, we managed to get something. Phew. Okay now no more worries about that. As usual, we were so noisy in the train, shopping mall & bus. Bitches mah ^^

Bumped into John Wee and he offered us to be models. LOL. He still looks the same. And I really miss that guy so much. I mean the way he talks makes you just wanna laugh. Okay random. But still. =)

We dined in at PizzaHut since Diy was supposed to treat Reyme's long belated birthday present. And we were very noisy . Yeah, too noisy. Noisier than you could ever imagine. And thank you Diy and Reyme for sharing the cake with me. ^^

Reyme's Hot Chocolate cake ice cream (If I'm not wrong=))

And here's the pictures (:

Okay done =)

Meeting them again tomorrow early in the morning.

See you bitches in the morning =)

2010-01-25T15:56:00.003+08:00

So, I finally managed to change my blogskin after a gazillion years later. I'm so loving my pink blogskin. It's so pinky, makes me so happy.

Anyway, I really love listening & watching Shayne Orok so much since last year. (: I think he's incredibly talented. And his hair is the boomz!

& I love this cover the most. (:

2010-01-24T10:18:00.002+08:00

I don't think I will get the job. =( This sucks to the core,seriously. I really have nothing fruitful to do at home other than reading. Really sucks to the core. I don't want to spend my time thinking of redundant thoughts which would upsets me and left me crying in the middle of the night. Maybe I will have to find another job these few days again. I want to lead a normal life. A life without being too paranoid. But I don't think I will ever be able to do so. Don't worry, I will not go on with an emotional post.

Anyway, I've been receiving quite a number of questions from you at formspring. Thank you and I hope you guys will ask me more questions in time to come. I will be more than pleased to answer you. (:

2010-01-22T22:09:00.003+08:00

I'm pleased to announce that I'm such a good girl today. It's been awhile since I reached home before 8p.m. Mama was super happy I supposed? Nyeh.

And I really hate the group of guys that sat opposite of us in the train. Please don't be disillusioned. I wasn't even looking at you and you can have the cheek to tell your friend that someone is looking at you? Hello?! I was looking at the advertisement on top of your head not you. And why in the universe would I want to look at you? Hello?! And you can talk about me and my friend right in front of our nose. So irritating. And it was you who were looking at me not me. -_-' Irritating. Can comment about people's race whatever. Think of something else will you. Perangai jangan budak-budak okay.

And I have just created formspring out of boredom. You may ask me everything,anything. I will answer you honestly. =)

I love today~!

2010-01-20T22:13:00.003+08:00

I love today so much because I went shopping with mama. It's been awhile since I splurge myself on clothes. So happy . I think I felt better now after splurging myself. Okay whatever . I know it's a waste of money but never mind. Haha.

2010-01-19T12:23:00.003+08:00

I spent the whole night doing nothing.

NOTHING at all.

2010-01-16T18:44:00.002+08:00

I am really,really extremely bored. Received my 650 bux at the CC earlier on and home sweet home. I almost doze off while waiting for my turn- (fifth last, mind you) ! And they snap our pictures as well, what the hell. My unglam picture in uniform. Pfft. Oh well, Dickon's dad and his friends were hilarious. They commented on some people's names and I don't know why they had to laugh so loud in a formal occasion. Haha.

I find it unfair because they have decided to raise the amount of money only this year. This is so unfair. 150 bux more. So unfair. On a lighter note, money can't buy you everything. I tend to get a little bit upset when I receive money. Told you, money means nothing if you are unhappy. HAHA.

I am bored right now. Pfft, I think I should work out on a mathematic problem or something to past my time. =S

Thursday , Friday (:

2010-01-15T19:18:00.002+08:00

Thursday (14.01.10)

Met my best bitch friend Reyme since he needed a listening ear. (: Cheer up okay bitch. Heck care about your workmates. LOL~! And we did a lot of bitching. I love bitching with him and he's the one who turned me into a bitch. A sweet bitch though. (: Lol. ~! Okay, cheer up okay friend. (: So,met Diy and Hui Min after that at Ws. And after that, met Rin ♥ . <3

Okay, I am suppose to plan for this Sunday. I am still clueless. Gosh. I don't know where to go. I really have a poor sense of direction. I will have to plan something by Sunday and i know my plan would be super dull and sluggish to the extreme. If only I have a creative mind. A mind that comes out with a thousand ideas every minute. -_-' Oh well, I will plan something. Knocks head. (Knock,knock! Brain, please work an extremely brilliant idea before sunday will you? )

Okay I just sounded ridiculous.

Friday (15.01.10)

Accompanied Mama to pay bills and that's all. And I need to work something out now. Brain, please will you cooperate with me? I know there's no more O levels but please think of something will you. Please do not sleep. Okay bye before I talk to the computer like some insane girl. -_-'

2010-01-12T13:56:00.003+08:00

I KNOW I AM NOT LIKE YOUR FRIEND'S CHILDREN. I KNOW I AM ALWAYS DISAPPOINTING YOU. I AM SORRY. I AM NOT AS GOOD AS THEM AND I AM UTTERLY SORRY.

ITS OFFICIAL

2010-01-11T21:11:00.004+08:00

11.01.10 - Date of the release of O level result. The most nerve wrecking day ever. I almost dropped my heart. Anyway, I was really surprised when Miss Chua gave out the result slip. Basically, my name wasn't called out like during N levels. I thought I was going to fail . I was prepared to face disappointing results and broke into tears. Thankfully, Allah really answered my prayers because I saw As and Bs . Oh my God, I was so happy that I hugged her then and there. Seriously. It was beyond words. Some people, I mean most people might think that I am really utterly disappointed because I am not the top student in school. Oh well, it's okay. It's just not my luck. Like Mama said, " You don't get it because it's other's chance now." I have felt both the pinch of victory and failure before. It's life and I just have to move on. No point looking back. I will study super duper hard in Poly to get a spot in a local university. I will not let Mama down. I promise.

Even before I receive the result slip, many people texted me asking how did I fare. And once again, the phone became a hotline. And aunty just called telling me that she will reward me one of these days. Hehs =P

Okay Mama, you better buy me that Santa Barbara bag. =P

And brothers, i want more money. =P

HAHAHA. reward me okay family. I know you all love me because I love you. (:

SATURDAY WITH MAMA♥♥♥

2010-01-09T20:20:00.003+08:00

Went to Tampines Mall with Mama since it has been awhile we last went out together. Oh well, I was not supposed to buy anything but I bought myself a pair of shoes. I wanted that Santa Barbara bag so much. I still regretted not getting that hot pink Carlo Rino bag last year. Should have bought it. Oh my God, so wasted. =(

So, nothing much really happen today. Just a normal Saturday with Mama at the mall. Results on Monday. It's coming faster than I could ever imagine. (faints)

Okay, I am bored. =S I wanna google something. =0

sigh*

THURSDAY and FRIDAY UPDATES.

2010-01-08T22:36:00.003+08:00

ღTHURSDAY (07.01.10)ღ

Made cheesecake for Rin (: Sorry for the melted cheesecake. :( Nevertheless, I hope it still tasted nice to you even though you said it was. Haha. So, finally had my long craving Indian Rojak. (:

FRIDAY (08.01.10)

Went to Nanyang Polytechnic open house in the afternoon with Diy. Was supposed to go to Ngee Ann as well but time wasn't on our side. Kinda sad. Oh well, it's okay. There's nothing much as well. Just the goodie bag and self-tour I guess. Seriously, I really love Temasek Polytechnic open house. It was way happening. Like seriously, right Diy? Heh. Headed to Simei for dinner and bought some make-up essentials (: And then home sweet home. (:

Okay here's the cheesecake photos.

Wednesday

2010-01-06T21:18:00.003+08:00

Went out with Diy today for our beauty treatment. LOL -_-' I mean for the eyebrows. Hah.

And my hair as well. Oh well, it didn't turned out that nice but I don't care. I just want to experience it, that's all. Will have to remove it again when I'm dying my hair. Oh gosh, can't wait. Well, it depends on my results. (Prays hard)

So anyway, below are the pictures that we took together before meeting Reyme. We are so sweet to fetch him from work. Yeah. Went to Tampines and home sweet home at around 8 plus.

I just realised that I won't think heavily while I'm out and about. That's a good thing. I just don't want to think too much. I don't want to be called a paranoia but I just can't change it, do I?

Pardon our eyes, we just seems don't know where to look at. HAHA -_-'

TREPIDATION

2010-01-05T23:33:00.004+08:00

I felt anxious the whole day. I've been in a state of trepidation this whole day. I was scared. I just don't want the day to come. Nobody could ever understand my feelings right now. I tried to be normal but I just can't. I am thinking every single moment of my life about the result. I felt like crying and I just did. It's pointless sharing my feelings with anyone because nobody would ever feel what I'm feeling right now. This just sucks. I just don't want to end up depressed. Once was enough. I don't want to take anymore panadols to forget my problems. I don't want to indulge myself in books just to run away from reality. I don't want but I have no other choice, do I? I wish for a miracle or a guardian angle to come save me. Why am I so paranoid? I don't know why but there's nothing I can do because everyone is worrying sick about their results and those who's not taking the result won't give a damn about me because it doesn't concern their lives. I don't mind about it but I just need a listening ear these days to cheer me up. Which, obviously I can't because I don't really trust anyone. And even if I do trust you, I won't tell you how I feel because I don't think you would ever want to listen to my stories. All I ever want now is a pair of listening ear. I can't believe that I am actually crying while typing this out.

CUPPY CUP CAKES MONDAYYYYS

2010-01-05T11:44:00.004+08:00

I finally managed to bake my cupcakes again after a long,long time. OH MY GOD! I did all these for my brother. HAHA. I know I'm a good,good sister. -_-' LOL. Gave them to Rin, sister, brother and aunty. So many people . Felt so happy. Haha. -_-'

Although my cupcakes didn't turn out to be that appealing, I'm still satisfied with myself (:

I did it all alone by myself with the help of internet and trial and error and my heart . Yes, my heart so that it

willturned out nice with all my love.(:

Aftermath of baking cupcakes.

I love cupcakes they are so cute but I won't eat them.-_-'

major updates (:

2010-01-02T18:56:00.004+08:00

inally I am able to update my blog (: Sorry for the delays. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! (It's not too late to wish, I hope).

31 DEC/01 Jan:

Went countdown with my bitches together with Rin and his friends since they wanna join .(: Was superbly happy till a man who was seated beside me had to comment : " Wow, you so happy ah"

I just smiled at him. Duh, what you expect me to do? Be sad like I was last year on New Year's Eve? -_______-' Reyme had his scary contact lenses on and I was so happy. It's awesome okay. HAHAHA!

Here's the pictures taken by Diy's Camera. (Thank you Diy)

-GHOST wanna bite me. I'm so scared! I mean vampire. lols xD

- I love these sweets so much. LOL. Thank you Reyme XD

2nd JAN:

This is how i look like in scarf. Very much ugly. Oh ya,

please don't laugh bitches. I know what you guys gonna

say. Muahaha (Inside joke)

To my ice kacang, this is for you. (:

He called me HHG while I called him Ice Kacang (=

He is so sweet like ice kacang .(:

Anyway, don't sad sad okay my dear friend. You can always talk to me about anything. I'll be your

ears. Don't worry. Anything just beep me alrighty. You are a great friend and very helpful as well.

Thank you for being my friend, ice kacang. Heees. (:

Here's a message he sent this morning. (:

Huhu. Finally i got to write about my ice kacang. (:

Take care okay and cheer up my friend. I'm so glad that I managed to make you happy again.

CHEER UP ice kacang. (:

one year has past.

2009-12-31T00:18:00.002+08:00

Sometime last year at this moment, I was deeply heart broken. The guy whom I thought was my everything turned out to be my nothing. Although it had been a whole long one year, I still remember the moment we met and how we became more than friends. To swallow everything up on the eve of new year sucks my life pretty much. I was helpless. I saw myself as nothing at all. I tried to be strong. I tried to put away all those sweet memories we had together. All those walks we had. All those talks we had and all those laughters we had. I tried to move on with my life. I tried to forget about you. Thankfully, I managed to erase you from my life. I tried to pick myself up after the fall even though you meant so much to me. I rejected another guy just to be with you. But you came breaking my heart into a million pieces. It was dramatic and tragic. The feeling just sucks to the core. I had to be strong to fight for my own dreams. All the while, I did it alone with the help of God by my side.

I thought I will never fall in love again. I was wrong. I gave my heart away to someone . Yet, too many problems came into my life. I had to struggle between school and relationship and it sucks alot. Just imagine putting yourself into my shoes. Would you be able to handle it? I had to put up a million kinds of different faces just to please everyone. I had to put my ego aside. I had to swallow all your nasty words just to keep the relationship going. I had to swallow everything on my own. I had to face my Mother Tongue O'level examination even though we were fighting like hell. All these came to nothing. All my tears and patience came to nothing for you.

Many things happened for a reason. Somehow, I thank you for doing all these to me. I had never been patient before this. Now, I am beginning to put everything on my shoulders. I see the world as something meaningful. Something that I would never be able to see before this. You opened my eyes wide but shut my heart tight. It has been five fucking months since then and I'm still in phobia of guys. I just don't want to see myself in the previous circumstances anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to waste my time for someone whom I won't be spending the rest of my life with.

Today marks the end of 2009. All those memories I had will be in my heart forever. All those lessons learnt will be used as guidance in the upcoming year. Apart from heartbreaks, I learnt more than that this year. I learnt to be stronger and not a cry baby anymore. To go on pursuing my dreams even in a critical situation. I learnt that many guys hate smart girls. I learnt that some people just hate me. I learnt more but I am strong enough to fight all these. I cried in the middle of the night when I'm stressed and took panadols when I'm depressed. I did all these without anyone knowing. It sucks. I had suicidal thoughts before. It sucks to think about all these.

As 2010 is just tomorrow, I hope my love life would get better. No more heart breaking experiences and I will not shed a tear for a guy anymore. I will just be strong to face any problems that will come. I will be a good girl and study hard in a newly environment. I will make as many friends as possible and improve myself in every way that is possible. All these for the better of me. And so, have an awesome, prosperous 2010 with your loved ones and have a good happy ending by the end of 31 December. (;

TUESDAY♥

2009-12-30T08:35:00.003+08:00

Went out with my lovely bitches yesterday. Had a good hell of a fun with them. We went for a job interview and we got it. Reyme was over the moon while Diy and I were less excited about it. We are turning the offer down. HAHA. Oh well, GOOD LUCK my dearest best bitch friend REYME on your first day of work today. Don't be lazy horh. And don't be too bitchy. MUAHAHAHA!

Anyway, Syidah joined us at around 6+ as she missed us so much. Aww. We miss you too babe!

Took alot of photos together and we were so hyper. Yay.

Went to meet Rin after that as he suddenly wanted to meet me. Haha, see I'm so good , I meet you horh. And sorry cannot accompany you to eat . Reached home at around 10+ and mummy was very much angry with me. =(

and here's the pictures we took. Some of them are with Diy. (:

To all my bitches, you can save all these photos from here or view it at facebook. (For Reyme's conveniences) (:

-This is when i had nothing better to do. Wahahaha!

2009-12-27T12:00:00.004+08:00

Saturday (27 DEC):

Went out with Rin to town. Had to wait for 42 minutes for his arrival. WOW, first time in my life. Haha. Anyway, it was okay. I don't really mind. But I did get scared when I suddenly felt out of breath while waiting for him. Told you, I can't wear heels not even wedge heels. -___-' . Who knows if I fainted or something. Luckily it didn't happen. So, reached home at 11.30p.m. Luckily Mama didn't scold me. Phew, luckily.

Anyway, I really love reading Hater. It narrates the truth about today's society. Whereby there is violence out there just waiting to take control of you. To take control of your feelings. Take control of how you perceive about others. It makes your blood boils whenever someone tries to get into your way. I can really feel the intensity of the novel.

Diy called earlier and asked if i wanna go for a gig. LOL. I wanted to go but . . . well, I don't know. I'm scared ah. Haha. WTH. Okay never mind, she said there's a next time also. So yeah. Next time then. (:

Black the darkest colour

malicious as it seems;

Bleak as the music should rhymes

the morning smells, adds a pinch of flavour.

Painting a thousand colour on the block;

A thousand words speak from a landscape of serene ocean.

He's like a bottle of alcohol and something pleasant to smell,a notion.

Sarcasm's in his blood,that just lock.

Painted by a thousand different colours;

final toushes of kindness.

A friend of mine, a remedy in silence;

someone superlative, I reckon.

Black on the contrary;

A composure rather than teary

A velvet black texture of dark light

wouldn't want to feel his fight.